If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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