I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
