i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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