the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
