The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
