Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize