Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
