wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
