Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize