he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
