I CAN MOONWALK!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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