I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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