Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
