Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Panties = found
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