you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
