Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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