when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
