hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
