He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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