I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
