Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
