She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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