And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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