what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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