i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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