You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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