I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
