i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
