So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
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Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
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You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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