ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
