I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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