what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize