Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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