the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
