If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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