i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
