i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
