someone threw a dead crab at me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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