just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
