Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
