If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
