Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
