I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
