that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
