I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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