I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
