Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
