nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
