Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize