Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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