Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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