I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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