you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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