Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
