this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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