I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Found your dick twin last night
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
