So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
