I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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