Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
is this the sara with the beer cane?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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