Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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