just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
