sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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