I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
