I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
