It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
