you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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