Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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