He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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