it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
