guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
no, he came in my armpit
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize