If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
