Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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