her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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