that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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