No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
