we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
