There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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