the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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