Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
