Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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