Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
