is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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