Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
