I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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