I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
