fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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