Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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