Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
