Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
