we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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