what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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