you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
