Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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