So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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