yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize